Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Go screw a goat

Did you know that the USA has 17 states where bestiality is legal. No you didn't misread that last sentence, I said legal. Now let's put this into perspective for a moment shall we... legalizing gay marriage has been debated for years because it's un-Christian, but wait - it's okay to go screw a goat or a hoarse.

To illustrate this, let me put together a quick story:
After moving out and going to college for a year, Suzie (now 19) shows up for dinner at her parents house in Washington D.C. "Hi mom and dad, I'd like to introduce you to my new boyfriend trigger." Suzie's mom and dad stand awestruck in the doorway with a "wtf" type look their face. "I know what your thinking mom, he's a horse, but look at all the advantages of dating him; he doesn't talk back, only eats grass/hay so food is cheap, and check out the package on him." says Suzie.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Yeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaw



Well it's that time of year again - the time when downtown Calgary stops working, puts on cowboy clothes, bars charge twice as much for beer, and everyone gets drunk for 10 days. I hit the grounds on Saturday. It was pretty much the same ol' Stampede with the exception of the grandstand having double the fireworks as last year. I must say, the most fireworks I have ever seen at an event, it was "way kewl dood". After four heroin beers at the grandstand show we were all well on our way and ready for a change in scenery. Next stop - Drum and Monkey.

After meeting up with the rest of the crew, they quickly found out I was gunned and proceeded to order jager bombs to further aid the intoxication. It didn't take long before I was seeing double and all of a sudden the lights were turned on, it was time to go home, eat a spulombos sausage and crater.

If Saturday night is any indication of this year's Stampede, my liver and I aren't going to get along.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Missing the point

PHILADELPHIA (AP) - Live 8 performers are playing for free, but local organizers plan to shower the celebrities with a Hugo Boss duffel bag loaded with high-fashion trinkets valued at about $3,000 US.

They'll also be able to add to their goodie bags with big-ticket items including Hugo Boss suits, valued at $800 to $1,000 each; XM satellite radios and subscriptions, $500; Gibson guitars, $2,000; Bertolucci watches, valued between $1,500 and $6,000; and other items. In all, a celebrity could walk away with a bag of gifts worth as much as $12,000.

"We want this to be a thank-you to the celebrities who are giving up their time and energies," said Nicole Cashman, whose firm was tapped by Larry Magid's Electric Factory Concerts to put the bags together.


Do 95% of celebrities even understand how poverty began in third world countries? I certainly doubt it. To accept goodie bags where the majority of the material was probably made in these very countries just epitomizes my point.

Secondly, has anyone ever stopped and asked why Africa seems to be the prime focus of these recent campaigns? Any deal that involves the world powers is never for free. Africa has an ambundance of natural resources and this is no doubt the underlying motive. If Africa had the skill set and technology resources North America posess, they would be self sufficient. This is the only way to truely eliminate poverty - building a foundation from the bottom up otherwise the cycle will just repeat itself.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Happy Birthday Canada



What better way to celebrate our nation's Birthday than with good friends, fine food, and plenty of drinks. I've said it before and I'll say it again: We live in a great country! I hope all Canadians took a couple of moments to reflect on how lucky we are to live in this country. Now if only we could get a new neighbor.....

O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.

With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!

From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.